Sunday, October 29, 2017

Living Water

Jesus answered and said unto her, Whosoever drinketh of this water shall thirst again:

But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life.  (John 4:13-14)

These latter days are a time of great spiritual thirst. Many in the world are searching, often intensely, for a source of refreshment that will quench their yearning for meaning and direction in their lives. They crave a cool, satisfying drink of insight and knowledge that will soothe their parched souls. Their spirits cry out for life-sustaining experiences of peace and calm to nourish and enliven their withering hearts.
Indeed, “there are many yet on the earth among all sects, parties, and denominations, who are blinded by the subtle craftiness of men, whereby they lie in wait to deceive, and who are only kept from the truth because they know not where to find it.” 14 Let us work with all our heart, might, mind, and strength to show our thirsty brothers and sisters where they may find the living water of the gospel, that they may come to drink of the water that springs “up unto everlasting life.” ( Elder Wirthlin, Living Water to Quench Spiritual Thirst)

Another setback

Another episode of stroke affecting me last week.  This was probably what the drs characterize as a TIA, Transient Ischemic Attack.      By definition, a TIA is a temporary experience, leaving no permanent brain injury.

Last Thursday night, I had an episode that included dizziness, everything spinning around me, diminished sense of awareness, vision compromised with encroaching gray out, and more confusion than usual.

Someone helped wheel me up to my room, but she was behind me, so I wasn't sure who.  I thought it was my friend Lilian, but she said no, she saw me weaving around the lobby, and was concerned about my drunken careening, so she got the nurse.I asked to be left alone, because I was wanting to avoid another ER fiasco.  They can't seem to do anything much about events like this except compile extravagantly expensive billing for inconclusive tests.  I went to bed felling dizzy and groggy.

The next day, I was feeling recurring weakness in my lower body, and my speech was slurred more than the previous day.  Back to the routine of trying to recover...

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Enduring Well

Life is carefully designed to produce for us, if we are willing, a harvest of relevant and portable experience...

Part of enduring well consists of being meek enough, amid our suffering, to learn from our relevant experiences. Rather than simply passing through these things, they must pass through us and do so in ways which sanctify these experiences for our good (see D&C 122:7). Thereby, our empathy, too, is enriched and everlasting.  Elder Maxwell, Enduring Well

Saturday, October 14, 2017

In darkness I cry...

Alone and lonely,
runnels of hot tears
course across trails
long traveled.

No balm for ills,
impossible challenge
blocks every effort.

I live in the blackest well,
subterranean existence
devoid of a glimmer of light,
bleak and hopeless.

Ugly bigotry, self-recrimination
damns every thought -
bleak lives don’t matter.

I struggle to rise to the level
of support and charity
extended by so many.

But still inside myself,
I cannot break past walls
that await in front of every hopeful turn.

Contemplating the potential peace of non-existence,
I consider the horror of self destruction.

It would be so easy.

It would be so easy.

It would be so easy.

But my counselors remonstrate,
Just a change of scenery”.

And those professing care and love,
injured beyond imagining,
wounded to the heart
by my selfish impulse,
unable to comprehend
the dark force that ever drives my thoughts.

Helpless and naked
I cry unto God for relief.

What answers mocks my pain.

I cried because I had no shoes
until I met a man who had no feet.

The mist of darkness will cover you at times so much that you will not be able to see your way even a short distance ahead. You will not be able to see clearly. But you can feel your way. With the gift of the Holy Ghost, you can feel your way ahead through life. Grasp the iron rod, and do not let go. Through the power of the Holy Ghost, you can feel your way through life. (See 3 Nephi 18:25; D&;C 9:8.) Elder Boyd K Packer: Lehi's dream and you

Suicide: Some Things We Know, Elder Russel M Ballard

Friday, October 13, 2017


Moved to a new location.  Senior Living center in Orem.  New Church ward, lots of nice people.

Treeo Orem

Extra charges for pets - I won't be getting a poodle.

A bit too expensive for my budget, but otherwise ideal for my needs at the moment.  Working on stroke rehab - again. Insurance refused to cover any further treatment, so I am on my own this time. Done this enough times, it is a familiar trail.

Looking for another place in Salt Lake County; my boys said move closer to them, so they can visit more often.

Could no longer justify living at my moms house.  Cannot help her any more, I'm more handicapped than she is.  Folks from her ward and community promise to help her, and she will be getting home health visits.

Suggestions for nice future apartments  welcome.