Wednesday, April 02, 2014

Ordain Men

To the British Isles, and members of the Commonwealth...

I respectfully submit my request to be crowned Queen of all England.

I have determined that it is the only way I can gain true equality and fairness.  Notwithstanding the fact that my current "gender identity" has a bit of a conflict with the traditional role of "Queen".

It is not rational or fair to maintain such exclusive rights to the Matriarchy of the British Isles.  In this current epoch, it is only proper that the title of "Queen" be equally available for both males and females.  Anything less would be discriminatory bigotry. I announce my intention to form disruptive queues at Buckingham Palace, with daily news conferences, until my requests are considered to my satisfaction and proponents of traditional female Monarchy capitulate.

My lack of understanding and respect of English tradition is not a consideration. I just want my fair share.  And I'm perfectly willing to intrude in private affairs, even where I am not wanted, to pursue my own interest.


  1. I dunno, Jim. The thought of you wearing that big crown and a long flowing gown just puts images in my head that are very difficult to deal with!

  2. Dennis, jeweled crowns are quite fashionable bling these days. Didn't you catch the Olympics?

    Gotta go with the flow...