Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Reunion part 2

Well, here I am again. I've decided to continue blogging on this site, as long as my time and effort are not wasted or disrespected. Some may wonder what's the issue, so here is a brief explanation: I know this site is controlled by my dad, and he acts as the moderator. I am just a guest blogger and that is all I desire to be at this time. I also know mistakes happen, so this is not an anger issue, just frustration. To cut to the chase, I made a lengthy and totally appropriate blog about forgiveness and responsibility, in response to a blog on this site. I spent several hours to make it, and I successfully posted it as a comment. A short while later, the original blog was taken down and my comment was deleted! I was quite disappointed and frustrated to say the least. Now again, this isn't my blog site and people make mistakes, but be it known that I won't continue to participate if this becomes a re-occurring problem. Enough said.


Moving on, I will now continue to recount my reunion with my dad. Now, as previously stated, it came as a major surprise to my wife that I chose to contact my father, but it was a total shock to my dad and his' parents. He was living with them at the time I called and still is. I actually made several attempts to call, before success could be achieved.


Finally, the day came when the call was answered! My grandmother, Mary Cobabe answered the call with a cheerful "Hello, how can I help you?" To her utter astonishment and joy I responded something to the extent of "Hi, this is your grandson, Rob. I would like to speak to my dad, does he live there?" She then explained that herself, grandpa and my dad had been praying for almost ten years that either myself or one of my brothers would call and reestablish contact. After a brief chat, she called for my dad to hurry and answer the phone.


My last real conversation with my dad was in the food court of the ZCMI mall in Salt Lake. That was in Sept. 1998. It was not a fun time at all, I mean how real can a conversation be with a lawyer as a moderator. No offence to lawyers, but it was a strained conversation to say the least.

Anyways, on a lighter note, the telephone conversation was both very positive and long winded.
Of course, we did have a lot of catching up to do! During the course of the conversation, we agreed to meet for dinner at the Provo sizzler. On the appointed day and time, our long dead relationship was resurrected.


My initial reaction was one of happiness, and surprise. My dad looked almost the same, just no beard and some gray hair. My grandparents, no offence intended, looked a lot older than I had expected. As I would later discover, the had suffered a lot of stress and grief, not to mention some serious health issues. Although tired and worn physically, they were and are just as sharp and attentive as always. We all had an excellent experience and agreed to see one another at much shorter intervals!


One thing I tried to make clear was that I wanted to have a relationship that was positive and uplifting. In that spirit, I established a few guidelines to help us achieve that goal:


1. The fact that almost a decade had passed, and that we should concentrate on our current relationship, and not waste time and energy re-hashing what went wrong in our past.


2. The fact that my parents divorce was an issue between them, and I have no interest in discussing the subject.


3.The fact that I both want and deserve to have healthy and happy relationships with both my parents, and that I will not put up with either one making negative or hurtful comments about the other. I refuse to pick sides or play favorites, I love them both equally, and know that they love me and my brothers. Like anyone they both have strengths and weaknesses, but I choose to focus on the positive.


4. The fact that my brothers are adults, and if they want to have a relationship with our father and his' extended family, then they can make that choice for themselves. I would provide them the opportunity to accompany my wife and I to various activities, but emphasized it needs to be their idea, not just mine.


With these simple guidelines in place, we were able to move forward with a great new lease on our relationship, and hopefully it will never expire. Well, that's enough for chapter two.

Next instalment:  Reunion III

6 comments:

Michelle said...

Rob, Welcome back. It is so fun to get to know you through these blog entrys. Michelle

Jim Cobabe said...

Robert,

I do most sincerely offer apologies for the extended comment that was deleted. I personally was proud of the work you did, and thought it was an appealing and well-reasoned article. In fact, your outstanding comment was one of the things that motivated me to invite guest bloggers, so all is not lost.

Thanks for the time and thought you share with us. I think it will be of worth to all in the long term.

I love you, my son.

Jim Cobabe said...

Robert,

Just to add, I hope you will continue to elaborate upon the items you iterate in your blogpost. Each has fascinating potential for development and comment by others. More blogposts are in order, simply to fill out the flesh of the skeleton of this idea you are describing. Keep writing, please, we're with you!

LivingstonClan said...

Way to make a girl cry Rob! Your "conditions" of your reunion are awesome, and such good things to follow when reuniting with a man you love, but have not known for the past 10 years. Still so glad you have!

Limasa Family said...

Rob,
You sound like a great kid, and I am so happy for you and Uncle Jim to get the opportunity to gain a relationship again. I think it's so important for kids to have a relationship with both of their parents, and am proud of you for standing up for yourself and letting everyone know that you're not ok with bad mouthing. It's tough for people to remember that not everybody shares their same feelings (negative OR positive).

Good to hear from you!

Billy Bob Bambino Bombabious Baby the Third said...

Rob -

It's refreshing to hear someone who is able to look past the past and see a bright future. Who knows what tomorrow will bring? Your blog gives me an inexpressible feeling of hope and optimism about the future. Thank you! And like Jim said, keep 'em coming! I feel like I am a part of it, even though I am all the way out here in Texas...

PEACE