Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Continuing Migraines III



Today they are screaming at me.

I just want it to stop, please!

I want to sleep, with soft pillows over my head. Don’t make any noise or talking. My heart makes twice as much noise as I can stand!

Ringing in my ears sounds so loud, I am sure they are sending it , mocking me.

It is the laughter of demons, ever pursuing, never relenting.

There are rats outside, scratching, scratching. I won't let them get in. They bite and lick the blood like thirsty vampires.

I cant stop the pain in my headaches and the screaming. It never stops.

Good news. My right hand was imagined problems.

The numbness was transitory, except for the thumb and index finger it is recovered today.

Bad news is, thumb and index on left hand are joining the boycot today. Appears to be just more migraine aura weirdness though. Maybe will all clear up after more sleep today.

Hope and pray.

I hope so

I hope so

I hope so

I hope so

Just let the screaming diminish!

5 comments:

9 of Nine said...

Ok, so the heartbeat in your ears is called pulsitile tinnitis, the ringing is just plain old tinnitis. Nothing to be done for them, but now you know what to call them. These are noteworthy for the headache doctors. Write it down.

I want you to be keeping a record. I'm going to call mom and have her get you a notebook so you can start writing all of your symptoms down. This will be very helpful for your appointments, particularly if you are out of it when you have your appointment.

The numbness in your hands is probably caused by medications. Let's see if we can get rid of whatever medication is doing that to you. We'll talk to Dr. Digre about it. Or maybe Dr. Hyatt can do that for you at your next appointment. I have this same symptom, and it is transitory as well. I've had it so long, years really, and I hardly notice it anymore.

Ok, listen to me. Focus. I mean this. Stop paying attention to anything else. Pretend I'm there and we're looking at eachother and you're blocking everything else out, ok? There are no rats, Jim. There are no rats. Your mind is strong. Your mind has taken you places your body never wanted to go, simply because your will to go was so herculean. You can do this. Master your thoughts. You know the irrationality of the idea that there are rats at the door. There are no rats. There are no rats. Say it. Say it outloud. Say it and hear yourself. Say it loud enough that you hear it over everything else. Say it with me. THERE ARE NO RATS!!! Say it and believe it! Call on the Lord for the strength that is within you. He will help you to know that there are no rats. There just aren't, Jim. The cats wouldn't let there be any rats! Those cats you can't stand would make quick work of any rats! Let your rational mind take over. No rats. No rats. No rats. There are no rats.

Say it and believe it.

And pray.

I love you.

Jim Cobabe said...

Ruth,

I have said it, many times. You all know that.

You also know that I KNOW there are NO RATS.

But I hear them, nonetheless...

Scratching, scratchcing...

Sooner or later...

9 of Nine said...

NO. Not sooner. Not later. You are letting this win. I know that you are stronger than this. What is the alternative?

There is no alternative, ok? Just that. Period. Stop dwelling on it. Call me and we'll talk about something else. Come and we'll go to the museum. I'll come see you on Friday. My kids don't have school, and Darrin doesn't have work. He just has to be back for school by 5:30.

We'll come. Concentrate on that.

We got you a new hat. Concentrate on that. Maybe we'll find another before we come, too.

Jim Cobabe said...

Ruth,

I am NOT a baby. I love you to visit, but you must take care of your own little flock first.

If Friday is a free time, and you have nothing better, please do come for a visit. Otherwise, I have to work out my own problems.

Come what may.

And LOVE it!

Jim Cobabe said...

If anyone misssed the message in Elder Holland's address, PLEASE read it! There is a new link in the list at the bottom of my blog: Lessons From Liberty Jail. It is inspired counsel,