Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Psychosis


I woke up this morning in a sweat, worrying about a small donkey that somehow shas secretly hidden itself in my dad's house. It is not a very big threat, because I think the creature is quite small, I'm not sure the exact stature. He is constructed of something like paper. Perhaps even made by one of the grandchildren at play on thier many previous visits.

Anyway, this paper animal now lurks upstairs in my dad's house. He is endangering my parents in some way because they aren't aware of him and are not defensively prepared. I will move my quarters into the main house immediately, and stand guard, so that nothing happens. I don't know what this creature is trying to do.

I also recognize that he isn't real, but I must satisfy very real fears. Right Now!

8 comments:

pgk said...

I hope you let us know how it turns out.

9 of Nine said...

Jim, you jackass! Am I going to have to get a stick and come play pinata with you?

No rats and no pinata donkeys. You know it isn't real.

Get in to see the shrink ASAP, and get some anti-anxiety meds. I recommend Klonopin, aka Clonazepam. Make sure you get the orally disintegrating tablet. You just pop one in your mouth when you start to have a panic attack, and within 15 minutes the irrational fear is gone. Its a miracle. I don't have the irrational fear on the same level you do - that is, I don't have a visualization of whatever it is, or rather my anxiety has no form - but we seem to suffer from a similar form of anxiety.

Anyway, I take a 2mg Klonopin, but started out with 1mg. It does make me sleepy, but so what??? It beats the heck out of rats and donkeys, right?

Oh great. I've just discovered the beginning of a wart on my hand. Is that what they call a worry wart???

Hey, if you find a donkey, harness it and keep it. It could be useful around the yard, even if it is small.

Jim Cobabe said...

Ruth,

I know it is all delusion, but some of my psychotic constructs are tools of the devil, and come from the hand of the destroyer. I know this, and am not delusional about that matter.

I asked Bishop Hall for a blessing today. He came with Tom Fuhriman, and Ricky Butram and dad assisted. We are protected in our home now. I was terrified this morning because something was trying to get in. It was presented in the form a silly delusion, but the evil intrusion and harmful intention was not funny,and it was virtually a palpable force to me. I knew it could only encroach by stealth and devious dark approach upon solitary persons, so I immediadly wanted to move closer to mom and dad. When I moved into the house, I knew the evil power would not try to approach the two of us together, so I felt somewhat relieved. After the bishop arrived, we were okay.

Jim Cobabe said...

Ruth,

Bishop Hall is referring me for a pshrink at social services in Provo. Perhaps on Friday. We will already be going there for an appointment with Dr. Hyatt, the GP.

9 of Nine said...

Good deal.

Always call on the Lord in your hour of need. He will be your light in your darkest nights and will lift you up out of the deepest of miry pits.

I always think of the Star of Elendil, from LOTR. Its such lovely imagery, having a comforting light on a string around our necks. But the truth is that we do already have something even better. We have the holy spirit. Always remember that the Lord, our God, walks with us and leads us by the hand.

Close your eyes and see that when the demons seem to close in. See yourself being led by the hand by our very Lord and Savior. He can lead you over the rockiest and thorniest of ways. This helps me through my rough patches.

I love you.

I'm coming for a visit in a bit.

Jim Cobabe said...

Ruth,

The initiatory ordinance places the garment of protection to remind us that the power of the destroyer cannot owverpower us until our mission is finished upon the earth. This is the final promise we recive in the initiatory part or the endowment. I cannot describe more explicitly, but you and your eternal spouse can perform proxy initiatory work at the temple. It is very enlightening to just listen carefully to the words of theordinance. I try imagine myself as the one I am serving in place of. Dad has told me, "Every time I go to the temple I hear somethinihg new." And he has been going for nearly more than 60 years now, I reckon.

Anonymous said...

Was the donkey named eeyore? I am sure it will go away, although it may take days, weeks, months- who knows?

Jim Cobabe said...

Anon,

Thr donkey failed to put in any appearance, and was never much more than a suspicion. My focus was on a creation that the children might have constructed while at play, but it represnted something that was trying to gain accrss to the houe by stealth. It could only get in by overpowering a single and lone individual. I stayed together with my father until the bishop arrived. When he arrived at the house, the very mmoment he entered the house with his couselor, the dark oppression suddenly was dispelled, and all of us immidatelyly beamed broad smiles.