Friday, January 30, 2009

Banana Bread II



What do I explain to my young sons?

These self-identified homosexual men claim to love each other, and bishop Buttars' cruel church is attempting to prevent them from formalizing their love as a relationship, just as men and women have been doing for ages. They want nothing more extraordinary than recognition of their love for each other, and the special things it qualifies other couples in that relation for.

Is there any flaw in this argument?

What reason do I tell my sons that my church continues to oppose such unions?

Is it really bishop Buttars fault?

What does banana bread have to do with it?

To be continued....

13 comments:

9 of Nine said...

I don't know. Tell them it has nothing to do with Bishop Buttars or even the church. Tell them its because God says so. That's good enough for me.

And I like banana bread an awful lot, especially if it has sour cream in it. I might have to make some. Would you eat it if I did?

Jim Cobabe said...

Ruth,

Right now. I will eat most anythhing wiht the greatest of ennthusiasm.


Two bites.

Since my last visit to Dr Hyatt, I lost ovver 100 pounds , though he had no time during our visit to comment to comment about my weight loss. He did note that dad has followed a similar but less precipitous trend. Dad was happy, but I think he has lost weight for the same reason that I have. Too much stress. /Awfull things to think about every day, No one to turn to for relief.

Please try to help our dad. He's trying so to be th patriarch of our family, and doing the job like Heavenly Father created him custom made him for it, but I can see it telling in little ways. I'm really worried about what I'm doing to mom and dad. One favor I want of you and Darrin -- don't ever tell them -- but I think I might need to move to the care center in Mt Pleasant. I like it here, but if I can't remember things, I'm gonna zone out anyway, so I figure it's gonna take some big strong guy to take care of me when it comes to that. Just put some feelers out, not for yet, probably working through bishop Hall. He will be really glad to talk to you anyway. Thanks.

Jim Cobabe said...

Ruth,

This will make you happy to hear. Dad and I heard part of a meeting, while I was zoned out, like somethe you heard in the hospital. I Don't remember much of it, but dad heard lots of it. I can't tell about what I remember here on the net -- it is much too sacred in nature, so that gives you an idea what I'm talking about. Come and we'l discuss further. It'll be exciting!

Anonymous said...

Well, I don't need to be anonymous, but I don't know how to make this work otherwise, I've tried a couple of times to write a few words, but can't make it happen! Oh well, maybe Carl will help me in the future!

I believe in the power of love, completely--God's love, love of a parent for a child, love of friends. The love that homosexual people have is good, until they act on their sexual tendancies, as has been declared by God who loves perfectly. This is a trial for them that I do not understand, but must support the obedience to the laws set forth by our Father. We make bonds on this earth that are eternal, only one of them is the marriage bond and that is reserved for a man and a woman.

Legal protections for other close relationships are readily available through the legal profession. Anyone can go through those channels--even dogs can inherit from a person! I do not understand the desire to change a part of all societies throughout history (marriage only between a man and a woman) in order to meet a legal end that is available already. To me it is not reasonable.

Love you,
Cindy

Mary Cook said...

Jim, have you thought about a care center in Salt Lake City so you could be close to your medical doctors and your sons? I know its farther from Mom and Dad and from the wonderful members of your ward who have befriended you, but its something you might want to think about. Stay with Mom and Dad as long as you can, they love you and want you there with them. But you are right, the physical demands of helping you may at some point become too much for them. I know you are thinking of them, too. Wish we were closer, so we could provide a little more help!

Love, Mary

Jim Cobabe said...

Cindy,

You said it when my mind was still trying to formulate the words. Surely you have had to explain this confusing idea already to your own children, or perhaps they have explained it to you first, and saved you the trouble and embarrassment. At the very best, it is terribly inconvenient, because loveing is loving, after all. And especially with boys, at some point in life, they have to discover the truth about certain aspects of biology and sexual function and being horny, and hrmones and imfatuation and testosterone and still figure out, in the thick skull, while all that is going on, that love is something else entirely different. If they can just wait until the urges boil down a bit, it is worth it.

I met and fell in love with a vietnam girl nurse in the hospital last month. But it was a total disconecct. I wish I could find her again, just to explain. The physical parts that make men furnction, that she associates so much with American men, don't even have any brain wiaring in me. I can't make them work, even if I wanted to. When I impetuously propsed some kink of romantic tryst with great expectations, I was thinking of cuddling together in front of a warming fire, discussing heer day's work, or a book we had read, or vietnam or asian or american culture, or the lack thereof, or something intellectual or more on the cerebral plane. It impressed me from the first moment we met that this is the level where we connected.

It is obvious that I was stupidly mistaken and totally ans egresly
wrong both in my original understaning of our communication and what this nurse -- she calls herself "Tina" -- intended from the beginng. I owe her the greatest of apology, for making such a fool of myself, and for embarassing her honor. I am truly sorry, and I hope she can find it in her generous heart to ever forgive me for being so stupid and insensitive. I really would have loved to learn more about vietnam. I will wait for more gracefull opportunity, I guess.

9 of Nine said...

Jim - I love you so much. I will look into the care center, but you know it will break mom and dad's hearts. I'll get Bishop Hall's # while we're there this afternoon.

But have a little more patience. Maybe the change in medication will help in ways you can't yet imagine. Let's see, ok?

I'll bring the bananas, and we'll make banana bread.

See you soon.

Jim Cobabe said...

Mary,

Ever wise sister, I was only thinkin of places in Sanpete. Of couse we should think out side the box. But I kinda suspect that anything in Utha or Salt Lake county will just sutomatically cost more, because of the way things are. Nez pas?

Jim Cobabe said...

Cindy,

Another thing "Tina" said that totally shamed me was that she was only daughter of her parents home in vietnam. They made her promise she would only marry to vietnam man. I cannot say if she was just making this up on spur of the moment. It was an ingenous invention, if so. I am familiar enough with asian customs to know that indirect refusal is generally offered to a proposal that is considered unacceptable, so that both parties can try to withdraw with some of thir dignity still intact, but mine was already aln=most nill, and my stupid blundering put me in the minus category. I wish I knew the proper way to offer apology to this woman, I was not suggesting that she have sex with me, but I'm afraid that was her first thought. And I could never convince her otherwise without proper vietnamese help. I suspect she has had some sad and unhappy relationshps with horny American guys that got her to sleep with them, and probably had fun, too. I could never give anything like that even if I wanted to. She is the same age as my Joey, for Heaven sake.

What can I do?

Jim Cobabe said...

Cindy,

Another thing "Tina" said that totally shamed me was that she was only daughter of her parents home in vietnam. They made her promise she would only marry to vietnam man. I cannot say if she was just making this up on spur of the moment. It was an ingenous invention, if so. I am familiar enough with asian customs to know that indirect refusal is generally offered to a proposal that is considered unacceptable, so that both parties can try to withdraw with some of thir dignity still intact, but mine was already aln=most nill, and my stupid blundering put me in the minus category. I wish I knew the proper way to offer apology to this woman, I was not suggesting that she have sex with me, but I'm afraid that was her first thought. And I could never convince her otherwise without proper vietnamese help. I suspect she has had some sad and unhappy relationshps with horny American guys that got her to sleep with them, and probably had fun, too. I could never give anything like that even if I wanted to. She is the same age as my Joey, for Heaven sake.

What can I do?

Anonymous said...

I suspect Tina to understand what you were trying to say. I do not think she would have felt threatened by you at all. You are sweet to worry over her and her feelings, but I am sure nurses face proposals often--who wouldn't love them? I do not say this to lessen your account, but to validate it, I am sure you love her and appreciate the gift of real friendship you offered. Maybe you could write her a letter (if you feel more need to explain) and have it delivered at the hospital? We don't really know much about her work schedule or her life, so can't guess about her motives in not seeking you out more.

At any rate, I do not believe you "blundered" or need apologize for loving someone who you could relate to and felt happy to be with. Please do not feel bad about that!

I think it says a lot about you that you are willing to expose your feelings so much of late--you have protected yourself for a long time from the hurt that can come with that exposure. Just remember the good that has come too--seeing your boys again and meeting your grandchildren is a true miracle of love!

Cindy

Jim Cobabe said...

Cindy,

You know how it feels to start to love someone. Tentative, but concerned about their welfare. I can't help but suspect that "Tina" thinks less of me because of the way I reacted so recklessly -- typical American guy, just hoping to score quick with pretty girl. Maybe I was, But I though I was driven by my brains, not my gonads. Big difference.

Anonymous said...

Cindy again...guess I'm a pest today!

I have been concerned about this since I read it a few days ago and have thought a lot about it...

You wrote:
"Please try to help our dad...I can see it telling in little ways. I'm really worried about what I'm doing to mom and dad."

My inclination is to tell you not to feel guilty. That's dumb! We can't not feel what we do feel! But I do have other thoughts.

Our parents are really amazing. They are good and giving. They aren't perfect, each being human, but they do many great things. One of the things they are doing now is helping to take care of you, when you are not able to do it by yourself. If they are "worn out" in this "good cause" they will be blessed for it, and are happy to be doing it besides. I'm sure they wish you were well and that they didn't need to be doing some of the things they are doing for you, but I don't think they would take any of it back, knowing the good results.

It is a wonderful thing for you to get to know your sons, daughters-in-law, and grandchildren! I honestly didn't know how that could happen in this lifetime a few years ago, but here we are now! It is a difficult price to pay sometimes, but overall, the price may be worth it.

What is a little laundry, and a replacement toilet compared to that? :-) And losing a little weight in this family is generally seen as a good thing! :-)

Jim, I know our Heavenly Father loves you, even more than Mom and Dad. He wants so many good things for you, but the path is hard sometimes. You have proved through a lifetime of climbing that you are strong and can make it. Our parents are strong too, and each of you is working toward good. Just keep moving forward!

I have been clumsy in my attempt to say this, but feel it truly. I hope you can understand my intent anyway.

Love you