Thanksgiving
Home Sweet Home
It's just silly sentimentality. But I can't remember ever being happier to see home again.
Thank God.
Thanks to God for such a great many things...
Home Sweet Home
It's just silly sentimentality. But I can't remember ever being happier to see home again.
Thank God.
Thanks to God for such a great many things...
Posted by
Jim Cobabe
at
1:36 AM
9
comments

This little bit of brain tissue is the focus of the problem. Apparently, small pieces of plaque material are being carried through my blood circulation through my heart and deep into the tissues of my brain, where they become lodged and block the vessels of the brain from receiving vital oxygen through the bloodstream. The oxygen-starved cells in that region of the brain quickly die, and the functions they once governed in my body suddenly lapse into uncontrolled chaos.
The brain stem controls operations such as motor locomotion and sensory awareness. In particular, my most recent stroke caused damage to brain centers that control muscles, sleeping, tactile awareness, and other senses to some degree. I find my body somewhat desensitized now as far as sensing what is touching me, and I might hurt myself withouth any sensation of pain. This also has some intriguing benifits, I have found. For example, the hospital has found it expedient to turn me into a human pincushion during my short stay, but I find most of my body to be insensate to the needle pricks. I can feel some pressure, but sense no pain. How convenient, that they can sink needles deep into my body, and I feel so little discomfort. (I suspect it spoils the desired effect somewhat for some of them, but I don't really mind spoiling their fun.)
Some other brain stem functions include regulation of things like heartbeat and breathing. Thank heaven, these things seem to be functioning without any compromise, else I suspect I would be suddenly and most decidedly dead.
Sooner or later, this seems to be the reality that faces me. In the mean time, I will do my best to put my time to good use.
Posted by
Jim Cobabe
at
3:19 AM
1 comments
Labels: stroke
I am leaving the rehab center at Utah Valley today. With no misgivings about the promise of the future.
I am fairly certain to encounter a fatal stroke in the near future. I just can't tell when it will strike. Maybe today, tomorrow, next week, next month. Certainly likely within the next year. Probably inevitable within the next five.
The open question facing me now is, what shall I do with this time? In a sense, I have been granted a gift denied to most. I know with some certainty that the future is short, and now I have a chance to prepare.
I am resolved to abide by the aphorism, "Hope for the best, prepare for the worst". It might be a corny way to express this idea, but what I feel is that I need to put my affairs in order now. Nevertheless, I see no need to dig a grave and sit in it prematurely. I am going to use my remaining time for good purpose.
Starting first thing, that means continuing rehab workouts on a regular basis. Whatever it is worth, I will continue to invest time and effort into regaining what has been lost or compromised by stroke.
Today will be day one of the new project.
Posted by
Jim Cobabe
at
2:33 AM
4
comments

On Sunday, I decided to do something entirely different. Actually, my dad decided for me, since I was mostly delirious. Dad and Ricky coaxed me into the car, nonetheless. Though I was wildly opposed to hospitals, they carried me to Mountaiview in Payson.
I had another fairly dramatic stroke, a second attack.
For a time, as artery after artery blocked off from circulation, my blood pressure rose and soared to levels I never knew a human could even produce, let alone sustain. Blood pressure rose as the heart muscle continued to attempt to supply blood to the blocked and dying brain cells.
The medical team saved my life. They were finally able to control the runaway blood pressure. But at what terrible cost. New brain damage, even now some of the consequences reveal themselves.
Thank God the thinking part of my mind was mostly spared from the carnage. I can still think.
But tonight I sit at a workstation in the rehab center at Utah Valley hospital.
Starting all over again.
Posted by
Jim Cobabe
at
5:43 PM
6
comments

I have developed some troubling problems over the past week. In addition to nagging aches and various pains, I have new balance and equilibrium problem when attempting to walk independently, and I have developed a low-grade but irritating headache that waxes and wanes in severity, but never seems to disappear completely. The headache isn't bad, except for occasional spikes of throbbing pain, but it persists and adds to the distracting noise.
On a more positive note, my physical endurance is building back up, slowly but surely. I can easily clock more than a mile on the treadmill. I would have no problem passing the fire department stress test that requires covering a three mile course in 45 minutes, carrying a 45-pound burden.
All things considered, I am encountering and dealing with the daily challenge. Just a bit more progress, and considering my own limitations, I am optimistic that recovery is a reachable goal, if I just keep working at it.
Posted by
Jim Cobabe
at
9:22 AM
2
comments

I had an entirely disheartening time of it over the last few days. I have felt ill nearly all the time -- not sick enough to need medical assistance, but enough to make me feel miserable almost all the time. Without some handy painkiller drugs, I would be almost completely nonfunctional. Fortunate for me that tylenol serves well enough.
The driving license folks for the State of Utah officially -- and officiously -- added to my personal misery. They required me to take yet another driving test -- which I passed, quite easily, at least in my opinion. Problem was, the examiner lady had apparently determined before she even saw my face that she was going to flunk me. So she falsified her test results, then reported to her boss that I drove in some vaguely unsafe manner. All that really happened was that she was in a really sour mood, because of missing her breakfast, or PMS, or some unknown combination of personal problems that had nothing to do with me. Anyway, for some undetermined reason, she decided that I was worthy of her unfavorable judgement. I got the brunt of her wholly unjustified displeasure, with the result being that she and her superior very generously agreed to compromise and issue me a restricted license. At least, they acted like it was a magnanimous gesture.
The amusing thing about the whole episode was that they were both so ignorant about a place they both live, they acted like it was a generous concession to restrict me from driving on any road with a speed limit of over fifty miles per hour. I protested that I would basically be in violation if I travelled anywhere beyond my own driveway, since the neighborhood is rural, and the only access to the rest of the world is to travel along US Highway 89. It was ludicrous, to have such ignorant self-righteous folks presuming to lecture me about "public safety". I wondered if they had ever been outside of Ephraim -- a one-horse town, with a fairly skewed perspective on the realities of the world. Responding to my arguing, they decided to change the restriction to only driving within fifteen miles of my home, supposedly somehow serving the interest of "public safety". I told them that was just as ridiculous, but they both insisted, I must be restricted somehow. I finally said go ahead and issue whatever license restrictions made them feel like they were doing something meaningful, but had every intention to ignore it at my good pleasure, relying on the same measure of judgement that has served me and "public safety" for many decades and more than a million miles of safe driving experience. The supervisor said I needed a doctor's order to get the restriction removed, but I scoffed at that, and responded that my doctor will likely do whatever I ask him, within limits of reason, and unlike those I was arguing with. Ironically, he acted like the assertion set him back, as though I could never hope to have just as much good-ol'boy influence as needed to easily circumvent their misguided intentions. At least a doctor can make a reasonable objective evaluation of reaction speed capacity, with some hope for clinical accuracy and reasonable judgement. The woman who flunked me made some comments about my supposedly diminished capacity to react, but she did nothing to test such qualities in any objective manner, and was not even remotely qualified to make such a judgement. If they would restrict their own actions to jobs they are qualified for, it would be appropriate. Medical standards are needed for regulation of driving licensing, but cannot be properly imposed by employees of the driving license division, and certainly not by a grumpy woman with no background in the metrics required to make objective evaluation of a medical condition.
The whole episode was a laughable demonstration of typical public employees wagging the dog, too overly impressed with their own self-importance to listen to reason from any mere person. Their stated job is guarding "public safety" which they fulfil by imposing meaningless restrictions with absolutely no objective basis, meanwhile doing virtually nothing that serves the public interest whatsoever. I hold the suspicion that the backslapping good ol' boys, any of their personal friends, get a wink and a pass, even if they show up so drunk they can barely stand. Any teenage driver giving the same test performance would have been passed without remark. Even the old man who could barely stand was tested before I was, and apparently was passed without comment.
Anyway, the issue that offended me was that the woman who supposedly evaluated my driving skills. I suppose she entered false test results in the record. That a person in public trust is able to so falsify government records because of her having a personal bad-hair day is an affront to me. That she did so with overinflated egotistical feelings about her own self-righteousness I have little doubt. She made some interesting remarks to me about her lengthy standing in the driving license division, as if she could impress me with such credentials. I think she needs remove herself from any such position of responsibility in the future. She apparently cannot handle such routine duties without being unduly influenced by totally unrelated subjective factors. Nevertheless, I feel certain that I will continue to encounter such ridiculous problems, probably a return match with this same cadre of public employees.
I have had similar experiences with driving license division encounters, sufficient to remove all confidence in their competence, or any expectation that public employees might feel some personal obligation to perform their jobs in a professional manner. On the occasion of renewing my driving license some years ago, I filled out the request form properly, but the incompetent person who transcribed the record misspelled my last name. I did not notice this until some time later, then reported it to one of the clerks at the drivers license bureau. His reaction was that I had obviously misspelled my own last name, and that they could reissue the corrected license, but I would have to pay the fee for license renewal. Well, to make a long story short, it turns out that a facsimile copy of the application was saved on file. On cursory examination, it was obvious that my form was clearly printed, correctly spelled, and that someone who was inept or careless had transcribed it improperly. The fault was theirs, but I got no offer of apology from the drivers license clerk for their mistake, or for the blustery bullying demeanor with which he originally accused me of making the mistake, and misspelling my own name. Not even any sign of being embarrassment about such obviously incompetent and unprofessional conduct. He probably was too full of his own self to recognize such a sloppy job. I suppose such mistakes are routine, for these guys. They are apparently accountable to no one.
In addition to the latest driving license fiasco, I was recently denied a bank loan for a new car by someone who read on my credit report that I owed child support. Never mind that the record showed a judgement against someone from the court in Weber County, in 2003, neither of which were appropriate to my circumstances. It was easy to see that the information was completely wrong. The woman who processed my loan application apparently prefered to believe the erroneous credit report, over my assurance that I owed nothing. She insisted that I must obtain a note from the Utah Office of Recovery Services, exonerating my deadbeat reputation before they would release the funds. I told her the judgement was not mine, but my protests fell on deaf ears. She would not accept my word.
I started doing business with the credit union more than thirty years ago. Probably before that particular woman who rejected my loan application was out of diapers. She had no way of knowing that nothing could offend me in a worse way than to raise the child support issue to cast a shadow of doubt on my personal integrity. I wrote a derogatory note to the credit union to that effect, and will take my business elsewhere in the future.
If you travel anywhere around Utah Valley, you will see the smiling faces shining down from this credit union's advertisments. They have grown at the same frantic pace as everything else in the locale. Apparently they have also grown out of affording to trust their customers. I suppose honesty is a lost virtue in the world of financial affairs. In any case, it seems sadly absent in these circustances. I am sure that the credit union now has such a customer base that they needn't concern themselves about losing me as a customer. But I have done all kinds of business with them in the past, many transactions passing simply with my word of honor and promise to pay my debts. Passing sad, that we can do business on such a basis no longer.
One more loss of faith in my reliance on good character. It apparently doesn't count for much, in today's world, if it ever did.
In addition to overcoming my own disability, I also face such challenges every day. Betrayed by my own body, I also stand falsely accused of being suspect in my observance of moral obligation, not taken at my honest word, and no longer competent to drive my own automobile -- so judged by people that are so apparently sadly lacking in moral integrity themselves.

This is the boy scout's motto.
Be mentally prepared by having disciplined yourself to be obedient to every order, and also by having thought out beforehand any accident or situation that might occur, so that you know the right thing to do at the right moment, and are willing to do it.
Be physically prepared by making yourself strong and active, able to do the right thing at the right moment, without hesitating.
Be morally prepared by learning correct principles, and not deviating.
Follow the straight and narrow course, laid out according to long-standing tradition that is based on correct principles. This leverages our future off from the wisdom of those that have gone before. It prepares us for that which is to come.
Not that this kind of preparation necessarily enables us to anticipate the future. We cannot know what lies ahead with any great certainty. And the future holds many things in store that must come unforeseen.
What preparation does is gift us with the increased ability to take advantage of opportunities that present themselves to us along the way. It may not fit with the plan we have crafted for the future, but we will be made more ready to accommodate that opportunity and make use of it, as it comes before us. This is the purpose for being prepared. It helps us maintain balance under difficult and challenging situations.
Be prepared.
Posted by
Jim Cobabe
at
3:16 PM
0
comments

In discussion about issues raised in the recent election, and always making for heated debate in the Bloggernacle, I submit the following excerpts from Elder Maxwell. Neal A. Maxwell was a President of the First Quorum of the Seventy of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints when this devotional address was given at Brigham Young University on 10 October 1978.
The declarations are about principles, not people, and causes, not candidates. On occasions, at other levels in the Church, a few have not been so discreet, so wise, or so inspired.
But make no mistake about it, brothers and sisters; in the months and years ahead, events will require of each member that he or she decide whether or not he or she will follow the First Presidency. Members will find it more difficult to halt longer between two opinions...
This is a hard doctrine, but it is a particularly vital doctrine in a society which is becoming more wicked. In short, brothers and sisters, not being ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ includes not being ashamed of the prophets of Jesus Christ.
Posted by
Jim Cobabe
at
7:58 AM
0
comments
Labels: general counsel, LDS

We are getting our first major snowstorm of the winter in Sanpete County. I expect it will warm up intermittently, and melt off before too long, but the long cold winter has unmistakenly begun.
The land takes on a different character, covered with a blanket of new snow. It often reminds me of the kind of renewal we get from repentance. We are cleansed and become new again, in a process that invigorates and enlivens the soul. We can start from this point with a clean record, every thing old and dirty is gone. Covered over by the fresh clean blanket of new snow.
Posted by
Jim Cobabe
at
9:45 AM
2
comments

Elder D. Todd Christofferson
Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles
The building up of Zion is a cause that has interested the people of God in every age; it is a theme upon which prophets, priests and kings have dwelt with peculiar delight; they have looked forward with joyful anticipation to the day in which we live; and fired with heavenly and joyful anticipations they have sung and written and prophesied of this our day; but they died without the sight; we are the favored people that God has made choice of to bring about the Latter-day glory.(Joseph Smith)
...Let us once and for all establish our residence in Zion and give up the summer cottage in Babylon.
Posted by
Jim Cobabe
at
3:47 PM
0
comments
ATV Snowplow
We assembled one of these snowplows on my ATV the other day. My dad and I are the most inept of mechanics, but we persisted.
It mounts hanging from an ATV winch, which my machine was not equipped with yet. So I struggled to install one first. I finally succeeded with that project, which had its own challenges. Minor disassembly of the ATV was required, and the instructions were not exactly illuminating.
Some of the suggestions for installation were diabolical in feigned innocence. For example, we were supposed to install backing nuts and washers in strategic locations in order to strengthen the assembly. Problem being, the spots were nearly inaccessable. I needed to borrow Mack from next door to put on a couple of the parts. He is a young boy, with much smaller and more adept hands. He was able to succeed where I failed, and the thing was done.
After the winch struggle was over, I was facing a pile of snowplow parts scattered across the driveway. It would have looked daunting to a whole man - I was trying this virtually one-handed. It occurred to me to anticipate that these parts would be quite heavy, but I wasn't prepared well enough! Some of the pieces weigh a ton, and it was all I could do just to lift them off the ground.
Well, my dad and I decided to put it together in anticipation of impending snowstorms. So we wrestled with it until it looks more or less like the pictures. I assembled and disassembled the latching mechanism for the plow sweep at least four times. I am convinced that I discovered some innovative new ways to put it together wrong. After discovering several ways to assemble the parts in a non-functional manner, we finally discovered the right assembly. It is now ready to challenge the first big snowstorm.
My dad and I also discovered an inadvertent talent for comedy. Just give us a job that requires any mechanical handiness. It is simply hilarious.
My brother's saying used to be, "Hire the handicapped -- they don't get much work done, but they're so much fun to watch!" We proved that aphorism, several times over.
My brother-in-law, Carl, is an engineering professor at BYU. He said he would be glad to help us, and he loves putting gadgets together, but we had already muddled through most of the job when he phoned.
Posted by
Jim Cobabe
at
12:51 AM
11
comments
Richard G. Scott
I do so desperately wish for healing. The Lord has not granted a quick miracle, but I had high hopes...
This long recovery is very disheartening. I have worked as hard as I can, but the improvements in my physical condition have been very slow in coming. I have sought for things I can do to accelerate the process, but am frustrated in every effort. It makes me wonder if life is worth continuing the struggle, but I read good counsel advising me to keep on. There are always alternatives, but the best choice is outlined by many of our inspired leaders.
One of the sources I rely on is inspired counsel from Apostle Richard G. Scott. Elder Scott often counsels about troubling issues, and gives sincere advice that is honestly delivered from his heart. In this 1994 General Conference address, Elder Scott offers counsel about what to do when healing is needed, and depending on the help of the Lord seems to be the only answer.
Elder Scott explains that help from the Lord always follows eternal law. He asserts that the better we understand that law, the easier it is to receive His help. He presents some of the principles upon which His healing is predicated. Several things can be intended when we discuss healing. It can mean being cured, or having your burdens eased, or even coming to realize that it is worth it to endure to the end patiently.
Elder Scott says some challenges in life will not be resolved here on earth. For example, the Apostle Paul pled thrice that “a thorn in the flesh” be removed. The Lord simply answered, “My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.” He gave Paul strength to compensate so he could live a most meaningful life. The Lord also wants you to learn how to be cured when that is His will, and how to obtain strength to live with your challenge when He intends it to be an instrument for growth. In either case the Redeemer will support you. That is why He said, “Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; … For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
Elder Scott recommends that when we encounter the feeling that we can do no more, temporarily lay your challenges at His feet. Consult the scriptures learn how. For example, when the oppressed people of Alma “did pour out their hearts to him; and he did know the thoughts of their hearts,” the Lord blessed them, saying:
I will … ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that … you cannot feel them, … that ye may know … that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.
And … the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.
Is there a potentially destructive pattern in your life? When discouraged do you feel overwhelmed and in desperation seek for others to solve your problems, overlooking your own capacity to make much improvement? Do you understand the necessity to do what you can so that the Lord can do what He will to help you?
...do what you can do a step at a time. Seek to understand the principles of healing from the scriptures and through prayer. Help others. Forgive. “Submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.” Above all, exercise faith in Jesus Christ.
If you are caught on a plateau of spiritual healing and don’t seem to be making progress, if you seem to be constantly dependent on another mortal for support, look up in faith to Jesus Christ. I know that the Master loves you and will heal you according to your faith in Him.
Posted by
Jim Cobabe
at
5:37 PM
3
comments
