Sensory Inventory XIII

These signals are not all functioning properly in my body. The neural network that is supposed to do the work of transmitting signals through my brain is partly dead or dying. Cells that used to be in the loop no longer carry any signals, so like a little child, I am teaching my body to send the signal through parts of the brain that are still living.

This process is frustrating, because not only is it agonizingly slow, but also ensuing strokes can undo all the work I have done for months, and more. All in a matter of seconds.

Not that I am griping.

Yes I am.

It is patently unfair. Tedious and tiresome. Long and uneventful, with short meaningful episodes that tend to be filled with despair and horror.

I think death would bring welcome peace.

Much of the sensory map of my body seems to be fairly static for the past few weeks. But I am concerned about a growing proprioception faultiness in my hips that throws me off balance betimes. It catches me at odd moments when I let down my guard, and I awkwardly stumble and teeter to keep from falling.

If it continues to get worse, I will consult with the neurologists again. But that is a tough choice, when they want something objective to evaluate, and I have only a feeling to offer.

Toes on my left foot have come to life, after a fashion -- they hurt, most of the time. Right foot, pretty dead. Legs - not much tactile sense. Abdomen same. The consistent thing is not much change to report. If things are changing, it is very slow.

Slow seems to be the order of the day.

Rehab progress 35

I am performing as well as can be expcted at my PT sessions. Up to a half mile in fifteen minutes on the treadmill, with very minimal noticeable exertion. I will start increasing the pace, as my balance and equilibrium hopefully continue to improve. By my estimate I am equivalent to the level of performance I was at after recovering from the first stroke for two months. At that point I had another stroke, so I am not hoping for a repeat of that sequence.

I am having other problems, though. Lack of ability stops me at every turn. I cannot do all the things I want to do. I am suffering from mental depression that makes everything look that much more difficult. And I have seeming insurmountable troubles with running my business venture,.

I suppose these things will work out. They always do...

General Priesthood: We Are Doing a Great Work and Cannot Come Down

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf Second Counselor in the First Presidency counsels priesthood bearers to tend their responsibility with unswerving dedication. He illustrates with a story about an airliner crash caused by a simple single distraction that resulted in the loss of many lives, even though the fault was only caused by a burned-out light bulb, and inattention to the details that matter most.

President Uchtdorf cites the story of Nehemiah, commissioned to strengthen the city walls, would not come down in the midst of his task and be distracted from what was important.

As the work continued, Nehemiah's enemies became more desperate. Four times they entreated him to leave the safety of the city and meet with them under the pretense of resolving the conflict, but Nehemiah knew that their intent was to do him harm. Each time they approached him, he responded with the same answer: "I am doing a great work, so that I cannot come down."

What a remarkable response! With that clear and unchanging purpose of heart and mind, with that great resolve, the walls of Jerusalem rose until they were rebuilt in an astonishing 52 days.

Nehemiah refused to allow distractions to prevent him from doing what the Lord wanted him to do.

Like Nehemiah, we have a great work to do, and must not be distracted from our duty. Unlike him, there is room for improvement. Our focus must be on the task at hand.